Today, I’m ranting about winter. I actually ranted about this to my husband the other day and he thought it was funny, so I thought I’d give it to you–minus hand gestures and facial expressions that my hubby got to witness.
See, it’s not so much the cold weather itself that I hate, it’s everything that goes with it. For example, you head out the door in the morning with your heavy coat, gloves, warm shoes, maybe a scarf and a hat, only to get into your car…at first, the car is fairly cool, and you are fine, but within a few minutes, you’re riding in your own personal sauna–face flushed, sweat pouring off you, you start to rip off whatever you can while still keeping the car on the road. Just to be safe, you also turn the heater down. Then you remember that your heater on your post 2000 model year car only has hotter than dragon’s breath, not warm enough to do anything but annoy you in the summer, and HOLY SHIT THAT’S COLD!! Except now you are past the only stoplight for miles, so you sit there alternating between shivering and sweating while constantly flipping your heater off and on or cracking the window. If you’ve got your window cracked, everyone else you meet looks at you like you’re a few bricks shy of a load, so you quit doing that.
Then, you arrive at your destination. It could be that you want to go to Wal-Mart, in which case, you bundle yourself up and trudge towards the door (because finding a spot close to the door is like finding the Grail–highly improbable largely because it doesn’t exist unless you’re handicapped). You get to the door, and brace yourself for a blast from the furnace from hell, instantly sweating again, and get into the main part of the store. Here’s where it gets tricky; do you have enough stuff to get that you can’t take off your coat and have to suffer through the store? Or can you take off all your winter gear and shop in comfort before spending 5 minutes after checkout to bundle yourself back up again? Or did you brave the cold in just a shirt and pants so that you could shop in comfort and still fill your cart while everyone around asks stupid questions about how cold you are?
Worse than Wal-Mart during the winter season? Cheerful little local boutique stores. They’re hot, often they don’t have a cart to put your gear in, crowded with stuff and people (sniff yourself–hope you don’t stink), and somehow, all the workers are wearing cheerful holiday sweaters! Why?! They’ve got to be hot and miserable too! And, while the gesture is nice, they often have some sort of warm drink–coffee, cocoa, cider that sounds really good in theory, but just serves to make your shopping trip even more sweaty.
So yeah. I don’t hate winter so much as everything that goes along with it. Especially when shopping during the winter holiday season. It’s enough to make anyone a Grinch.